1. Only positive things--It is easy to get sucked into cancer stories. Think ahead because not every cancer story has a happy ending.
2. In the beginning your friend will want to talk, tell her story. She needs to tell her story many times before it becomes real. Just listen. Later, she needs to hear about the outside world. Her world has shrunk to her chair, her bed, and the TV. Tell her stories about work, church, people you know. Bring the world to her.
3. Lots of people come the first 2 weeks but cancer is long and she needs visitors as time goes by. Having friends stop once or twice a week to chat will be so appreciative.
4. Everyone is interested in the Staging Number. Don't ask--if it's not a low number your friend doesn't need to dwell on it. If it is a low number, she'll tell you. One thing I know is many people beat cancer even with a Staging Number of 3 or 4.
5. What to do for your friend? I got flowers--loved them. Lots of cards--very appreciative, especially those that came as time went on. I have several friends that send a card once a week. I have gotten cards from people who I had no idea that I touched them so much. One person has bought me outfits. I have a large scar line and am uncomfortable in my jeans. So my friend went to Walmart and bought several elastic waist band, soft pants with matching tops. Makes me feel good to have something new to wear. My coworkers got together and paid for two maid service. It was so wonderful to come home from the hospital to a clean house and not spend my time looking at dust bunnies. My best friend comes over every other day so we can walk. And food--for a solid month someone from either my work or church brought dinner. They used a website called Mealtrain--very user friendly.
6. Everyone says "if you need anything, just let me know". Don't say this if you have the kind of schedule where you really don't have extra time to help your friend. It's very awkward if you say this and then when your friend asks for a favor you can't do it. This may keep her from reaching out to someone else if she has one bad experience asking for a favor from you.
Linda, excellent idea to start a blog. Great to here from you. Your first post has great advice. Trice and I were recently at our mountain cabin. Late at night my "animal in the yard" alarm went off. YES, i have one. We looked out and saw a giant Elk eating some corn that I had put out. My motion camera captured it. The next day we reviewed the pics. To our surprise it is a BULL ELK. It had recently lost its antlers and we could see the spots on its head where they were attached. I would love to find them as they can grow to 6 to 7 feet long. Elk loose there antlers every spring and they regrow very rapidly. Paul
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